


Phlegm

by revolutionrose



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revolutionrose/pseuds/revolutionrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> When Levi falls sick, all he wants is to be left alone but is prevented by a string of visitors, one after the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phlegm

“You’re sick.”   
  
They’re the most absurd words Levi has ever heard, because he can’t even remember the last time he was genuinely ill and in need of bed rest. Having a little cough did not equal being unwell, and he irately tells Irvin as much.   
  
“What about the fact that your nose is running, your face is flushed and your lacking so much energy that you nearly tripped over your own feet when you entered my office?” Irvin replies mildly.   
  
Before Levi can offer a dignified response, he sneezes loudly. There’s an uncomfortable silence, and Levi glares at Irvin, daring him to speak. Irvin says nothing, looking rather self-satisfied as he returns to reading the stack of documents on his desk.   
  
Levi stalks out of Irvin’s office, making sure to slam the door loudly behind him in order to cover the sound of another sneeze.   
  
  
  
  
  
Hanji is naturally his first visitor, practically bouncing into his room and aggravating Levi by parading her healthy immune system around.   
  
“How is humanities strongest phlegm doing today?” Hanji asks cheerfully, placing a hand on his forehead.   
  
“I told you not to call me that,” Levi snaps, slapping her hand away. Before he can launch some of the rather uncouth insults he keeps in store especially for Hanji, a particularly nasty coughing fit ruins his chance.   
  
Hanji pats him on the back sympathetically. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in such a miserable state, except for that one time I told Eren’s Titan form to slobber all over you,” Levi grunts, not wishing to relive that particular memory. “But don’t worry, I’ve got something that will restore you back to supreme good health in no time.”   
  
Levi eyes the little bottle she shoves under his nose suspiciously. “Is this one of your concoctions?”   
  
“Yes, I administer it to all members of the Scouting Legion when they’re sick.”   
  
“And they all survived?”   
  
Hanji shrugs, twirling the bottle in her hand. “If you want to be like that, fine. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the sensation of feeling like you’re about to cough your lungs out and your clothes sticking to you as you spend the night sweating while your feve-”  
  
“Give me that.” Levi snatches the bottle out of her hand, tearing off the top and downing it one gulp. He wipes his mouth, observing the bottle thoughtfully. “It didn’t taste as vile as I expected it to.”   
  
“I’m surprised, considering it contained Titan drool I obtained from Sawney and Bean.” Noting the blood rush from Levi’s face, Hanji quickly holds up her hands and laughs. “Just kidding! You should have seen the look on your face.”   
  
Hanji is still laughing when she runs out of Levi’s room, ducking expertly out of the way while he hurls every conceivable object within his reach at her.   
  
  
  
  
  
“Your scent is unbearable right now,” Mike says, covering his nose. “I can practically smell the germs on you.”   
  
“Thank you for that,” Levi replies bitingly. “Did you come all the way here just to make me feel grosser than I already did?   
  
“While that was certainly one of my motives,” Mike smiles lightly when Levi frowns. “I primarily came to relay Irvin’s orders that you are to rest and not to resume your Captain duties until you are completely well.”   
  
Levi crosses his arms. “And who decides when I’m ‘completely well’?   
  
Mike points to himself. “That task was given to me and Hanji, and only when we both come to an agreement that your health has been sufficiently restored are you allowed to resume your duties.”   
  
Thoroughly and utterly annoyed, Levi opens his mouth to argue, but Mike holds up his hand stop him and continues.   
  
“And let me tell you, I plan to disagree with Hanji a lot.”   
  
Chuckling, Mike leaves Levi’s room, paying no attention to the string of curses muttered at him from behind.   
  
  
  
  
  
Eren, Armin and Mikasa visit Levi together, all three of them crowding around his bed simultaneously, much to his annoyance. Being gawked at by a bunch of fifteen year old brats while he can’t keep from sniffling every five seconds is not something Levi particularly desires right now, but he feels too feeble to even bother telling them to get lost.   
  
Eren keeps asking if he needs anything, while clumsily applying a wet cloth on Levi’s forehead. Unfortunately Eren forgets to wring out the excess liquid and Levi feels like someone just dunked his head in a bucket of cold water. Mikasa, who hasn’t said anything to him except for a brusque ‘get well soon’, promptly takes over, drying Levi’s face with a towel while Eren splutters apology after apology.   
  
Armin seems oblivious to the mishap happening near him, busy flipping through a book trying to find methods that will help cure Levi quicker.  
  
“You know, in some towns they believe placing the testicles of a horse on the forehead alleviates the pain of a sore throat.”   
  
“Armin.”   
  
“Yes, Captain?”   
  
“Don’t allow that damn four-eyes to lend you her books ever again.”   
  
  
  
  
  
Pixis comes to see Levi on behalf of the Stationary Guard, holding the largest bottle of vine he’s ever seen. He tells Pixis bluntly that he doesn’t want it, but Pixis is either deaf from old age or just a pushy elderly man, since he pointedly ignores Levi’s refusal and tucks the bottle next to Levi in bed.   
  
“Trust me, a glass or two performs miracles for the body,” Pixis says, his eyes twinkling.   
  
Levi merely scowls in reply, but Pixis doesn’t seem to mind as he settles himself on the edge of Levi’s bed.   
  
“I remember one time falling really sick when I was about your age,” Pixis tells Levi fondly, oblivious to the glares he was receiving. “And the colleague who took care of me was the most stunning beauty I’d ever laid my eyes on, and…”  
  
Levi grabs both of his pillows, placing them over his ears and pushing his face as hard as he is physically able into the mattress.   
  
  
  
  
  
“My mother used to make these for me whenever I was sick,” Connie says, holding a bowl of steaming hot broth in his hands. “I think it’ll help you feel a bit better.” He hopefully holds a spoonful in front of Levi’s mouth.   
  
Part of Levi just wants to tell Connie to leave and stop treating him like a damn child but another part of him (the part that’s been feeling far too sickly and gross to eat) is undeniably attracted to the enticing scent emanating from the broth. His hunger eventually wins out, and Levi opens his mouth, letting the liquid soothe his throat. It tastes good, and he motions for Connie to continue feeding him.   
  
For most of the visit, Connie chatters away about his hometown, his family and his childhood. Levi is far too busy appreciating the healing properties of the broth to really listen, but Connie either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice, happily feeding Levi until he has to leave for patrol duties.   
  
Before Connie leaves, Levi gives him the bottle of vine he received from Pixis. “Knock yourself out.”   
  
Connie’s eyes widen slightly. “This is…”  
  
“A token of my appreciation,” Levi says shortly, settling himself comfortably on the bed. “Do whatever you want with it, I don’t care.”   
  
After muttering a quick thanks, Connie leaves rather enthusiastically, clutching the bottle tightly in his arms. Levi lays awake, wondering how pissed Irvin would be when found a bunch of inebriated brats wandering around the Scouting Legion HQ.   
  
  
  
  
  
Jean’s visit is fairly short, after he decides to pick up where Connie left off and accidentally shoves the spoon into Levi’s mouth so hard it hits the back of his throat.   
  
Whilst coughing vigorously, Levi irritably points to the door and Jean leaves obediently, his head hanging down in utter shame.   
  
  
  
  
  
Sasha enters his room so quietly Levi doesn’t notice at first. It’s not until he hears the sound of a stomach growling that it becomes apparent he’s not alone. She jumps a little when she realizes Levi’s become aware of her presence and quickly perches herself precariously on the stool next to his bed.   
  
“I heard you were sick,” Sasha says nervously, scratching the back of her head. “So I came to visit…” She trails off lamely, and instead of engaging in anymore conversation decides to just blankly stare at him.   
  
Levi considers Sasha for a moment, then reaches for the remainder of Connie’s home-made broth on his nightstand and offers it to her. She blinks and accepts it eagerly, nearly dropping the bowl in her enthusiasm.   
  
Pulling his blanket up to his chin, Levi closes his eyes and tries to get some sleep while trying to tune out the sounds of Sasha loudly slurping away.   
  
  
  
  
  
Levi keeps his eyes shut when he hears Ymir and Christa’s voices drawing nearer to his bed, in the hope they will leave instantaneously. It’s a futile attempt as he immediately feels soft hands pressing against his cheeks and forehead, adjusting his blanket and gently lifting his head to straighten his pillow. He assumes its Christa, since he has no doubt that Ymir’s attempts to make him comfortable would most likely result in his face meeting the floor.   
  
He hears the sound of Ymir sniggering. “I can’t believe it.”   
  
“What is it?” Christa asks.   
  
“His feet don’t even reach the end of bed.”   
  
“Ymir!”   
  
It’s at this point when Levi decides to open his eyes, watching as Christa fervently apologizes and drags a cackling Ymir with her out the door.   
  
  
  
  
  
Levi watches in mild interest as Petra irritably frowns at Auruo. “Stop trying to imitate Captain Levi even when he’s sick,” she chides. “You’re not even ill so stop pretending to sneeze!”   
  
“Tch,” Auruo replies in a not-so-subtle impression of Levi, crossing his arms and haughtily looking away. Erd quickly steps in to mediate when Petra walks around Levi’s bed toward Auruo on the opposite side, glaring daggers at him. Auruo returns Petra’s glowers with full force, and Erd stands in the middle, holding his hands out to keep the two separated.   
  
Gunther glances exasperatedly at the three before addressing Levi. “How are you feeling, Captain?”   
  
“Better.” Levi admits, coughing a little. “I don’t know what shit Hanji put in whatever she’s been making me drink but its working.”   
  
“That’s good.” Gunther sighs in relief. “We will do our best to uphold the honor of The Special Operations Squad while we await your return.”   
  
Levi nods, and they both turn around just in time to see Petra’s elbow meet Auruo stomach after he casually asks her if she’s taken a dump recently.   
  
  
  
  
  
Around the time Reiner and Berthold enter his room, Levi is nursing a rather nasty headache. He tells them as much, clearly indicating he is no mood to entertain visitors. Berthold wastes no time and starts to leave before hesitating after Reiner resolutely steps forward, offering to massage Levi’s forehead.   
  
“I’m sure it will help relieve your headache,” Reiner says confidently. “I massage Berthold all the time.”   
  
For some reason, Berthold turns a little red and Levi thinks he’d rather not wonder why and incur more throbbing pain in his temple.   
  
“Fine,” Levi replies, lying back comfortably. “Do it.”   
  
Levi quickly learns that Reiner was not exaggerating about his massaging skills, feeling an immense relief in pain while Reiner’s hands worked on his forehead, although he could have done without Reiner’s constant humming.   
  
Reiner massages him until he has to leave to feed the horses in the stable, although Berthold hastily offers to do it in his stead. Reiner just laughs heartily and claps Berthold on the back, pushing him toward Levi.   
  
“No need, that job was given to me. Why don’t you stay here and keep Captain company?” Reiner says, oblivious to Berthold’s pleading expression following him out the room.   
  
Levi stares at Berthold expectantly, while the latter fidgets and swallows loudly.   
  
“Um…”   
  
“You can go.”   
  
“Thank you,” Berthold mutters hurriedly, nearly walking straight into the door in his haste to leave.   
  
  
  
  
  
Levi stares at Annie skeptically. “So you’re telling me the Military Police sent you to give me their kindest regards and wishes that I get better soon?”   
  
“Yes.” She replies tonelessly.   
  
“That is complete bullshit.”   
  
Annie shrugs. “I don’t particularly care either way. But I was told to give you this.” She holds out a little wrapped box in front of Levi, and he makes no move to accept it. Annie tears off the wrapping of the box herself, opening it and taking out what looks like a rather expensive handkerchief. She tosses it on Levi’s bed, who notices the handkerchief has the Military Police’s emblem embroidered on it.   
  
“To ensure that even if the Scouting Legion’s budget dips, humanity’s strongest soldier is properly taken care of. Enjoy.” Annie says coolly, leaving Levi alone to ponder the depths of his revulsion for the Military Police.   
  
When Petra comes to visit Levi a little later, she decides its best not to ask why Levi suddenly needs a mass amount of envelopes and horse excrement.   
  
  
  
  
  
Levi is deemed well enough to resume duties after four days (helped by some choice words and threats toward Hanji and Mike who would have kept him in bed for a month if they could get away with it) and goes to see Irvin first thing.   
  
He is a little confused when Irvin is not in his office as usual, and Levi wanders around the hallways searching for him until he runs into Hanji.   
  
“Where the hell is Irvin?” Levi asks, evading her attempt to ruffle his hair.   
  
“Still in bed,” Hanji replies, amused. “Looks like he caught whatever you had.”   
  
Levi makes a beeline for Irvin’s room, paying no heed to Hanji’s shouts telling him now may not be the best time to intrude. He barges into Irvin’s room without knocking anyway, noting the ample amount of tissues scattered around the bed where Irvin is lying on, reading some documents in one hand while the other holds a wet cloth to his forehead.   
  
Irvin seems intent on not acknowledging Levi’s presence, so Levi closes the door, leaning against it and crossing his arms. “You shouldn’t be working, you know, you look a little sick to me.”   
  
Levi dodges out of the way when Irvin groans and aims a pillow straight at his face. 


End file.
